Rock Your Relationships

Join Chuck and Betsy Stokes as they help make sense of our relational lives: romantic, friendly, and even awkward. Make the most of every moment (including the unhappy ones) to build connections and enjoy one another in God's great plan for Christian fellowship. Visit for more information.
RSS Feed





All Episodes
Now displaying: September, 2016
Sep 22, 2016

Shame is an emotion; condemnation is the "reality" that causes it. But how real is your condemnation? Is there any reason that you shouldn't accept God's identity for you instead? What have you got to lose?

If you are already a friend of God, then why are you still feeling shame? If you aren't a friend of God, find out how to enter "in Christ Jesus" where "the law of the Spirit of Life" sets us free from "the law of Sin and Death." To jump across to the "life" side, add faith + church and see how you feel then.

It sound religious, but it's also therapeutic. God's ways are like that.

To empty shame from your "emotional cup," deal with underlying emotions first (see *cores 1–8* and the emotional cup handout). If shame/condemnation still sticks around, then you need to step up the faith factor.

Then, to kick shame to the curb for good, keep your horse closely tied to the lamppost located at the corner of faith and church.

If you have question, comments, any thoughts, we want to hear them! Contact us by visiting

Sep 8, 2016

When we're dealing with guilt and false guilt, the first step is to sort them apart. This often requires prayer, honest reflection, and outside perspective. Then, guilt can be handled by confession. But not just ANY confession...a good one! "I'm sorry IF..." and "Well, I did this, but YOU did THIS" isn't going to lead to connection and won't make anything better.

Try this for your next confession/apology: "It was wrong of me to _______ because ______________. Would you like to tell me how it made you feel? [listen] I hear you. It would mean a lot to me if you could forgive me." It's a lot easier said than done! But you gotta do it to move forward.

What if it turns out you are dealing with false guilt? How do you know? True guilt is specific and will make sense to others. False guilt is confusing, overpersonalized, and might seem to others like you're being too hard on yourself. Deal with false guilt soundly and quickly, or it can ferment into shame, condemnation, and depression.

It might seem like a weird subject for discussion, but if you have ever wondered if you "should" feel bad about something, then listen to this episode!

Note: The content of "Rock Your Relationships" is a mixture of original content from Chuck and Betsy Stokes and content owned by Intimate Life Ministries (the folks who trained us). "Date to Win" episodes are based on the sociological research of Dr. Chuck Stokes. Episodes labeled "Core Teachings" are based on Intimacy Theory, which was created by Dr. Bruce Walker and Dr. David Ferguson.